Geography

I am certain
you never think of me
as I do you

Perhaps for you, it is a matter of geography.

How many fishes are there in the sea?
And how wide the ocean?

The letter you will not read

Last night, I laid in bed, retracing my steps
decision to decision, to find out how I got where I am
I went as far back as my memory would let me:
if I never met you at the bookstore
and you weren't standing there holding the same book as me,
then,
where would I be?

Even when I was at a young age, I have believed that I have been cursed with the opposite sex,
every boy I ever cared for, always disappeared without goodbyes,
so that I have learnt that it is a way of life,
that I will not get what I want,
that longing does not materialize
and cruelty is the only way to save myself from being broken
but,
you are the exception.

I've never told you about this tree, back in Singapore
before my move across the ocean
it stood lonely on an empty field,
one day struck black by lighting,
became a burnt stump in a black hole,
but it came back, I watched it,
day after day, green taking over black,
suddenly one day, there were three trees.

Last night, when I brawled,
like I regularly do,
even my sister, who I've come to believe is my soul mate,
was on the verge of frustration,
you said: calm down,
and I did.

I've never thanked you, I doubt I ever will,
not like this at least,
and you will not read this, even though it is public,
laid out naked for all to see,
that's just your way, I guess,
of a kind of trust, or oblivion,
I don't know which.

But,
you are the exception.

I'll always remember the boomerang you told me about.
because you are the boy who came back for me
again and again,
even when I turned away from the wind
thinking
I have thrown it as far as I could
but there you are again,
an exception.